The recent remake of Piranha was nearly pitch-perfect. Gleefully hapless characters (portrayed with excellent B-movie abandon by the likes of Elisabeth Shue, Christopher Lloyd, and even Richard Dreyfus) trotted through the cliche-riddled story and provided both laughs and inventive, over-the-top gore. It wasn't out to win any awards, but what it WAS out to do -amuse and disturb -it did quite well. So, of course, they had to make a sequel.
Unfortunately, they neglected to include half of the original formula. Truly excessive T&A? Check. Obvious character archetypes doing/saying obvious things? Check. Humor, either hokey, offensive, or smart? Check. Scares and grind-em-up deaths?
Not so much.
The problem here lies right in the set-up: an unapologetically awful man (played by David Koechner) opens a water park (with an adults only section) and contrives to fill it for free from a nearby lake. Three guesses how that plays out.
Yes. The piranhas infest the water park, and therein lies the problem. I don't know if you've ever been to a water park, but every one I've ever visited appeared to have been planned and designed by a blind man with permanent vertigo. This is usually in keeping with the looping, curving, twisting paths of the various water slides and lazy rivers, and it means it's not that hard to get turned around if the park is big. The point being: filming in one must be hell.
There is never any real sense of place to the film, and the park is never given a wide enough shot to really show the scale of the disaster. At the same time, the very fact that people are inches away from simply hopping out of the water reduces both the scale, spectacle, and believability of any of the chaos. There's a ten or fifteen minute scene of people thrashing about in water that is two feet wide and three feet deep. Gone is even any attempt at terror or (failing that) anything close to the stomach-churning destruction found in the first film.
The movie tries to make up for this in other ways. There are a couple of piranha attacks outside of the park, one of which is so over-the-top ludicrous that it is almost annoying. I won't give away any details, but I will say that it's one step away from characters shooting live piranhas out of shotguns like some kind of Itchy and Scratchy cartoon. But that's probably the point. While the first film was an aggressive and ham-fisted satire of Swarm Horror, this movie seeks only to be a cartoon of it. It's not really the same thing, and so this film -if you'll pardon the pun -very much lacks the bite that made the first one such a success.
As a live action cartoon, though, it's not bad. David Hasselhoff does a great job of making fun of himself AND the film. ("Stupid ginger boy," he complains when he hears the screams of a kid who's getting eaten. "Why did you get back in the water?") He's one of the better parts of the film, although he is also overused. Ving Rhames, Paul Scheer, and Christopher Lloyd, on the other hand, are woefully underused. They brighten up their brief blips in the film, but all of them feel like they were added to the script at the last minute. There are some puns and gags that work, and some that don't.
It feels half done, is the point, and this is even evident in the run time. IMDB will tell you it's 83 minutes long, but that's counting the very slow credits crawl at the end. Perhaps knowing the deficit in their film, the makers put outtakes, deleted scenes, and a gag reel over half of these end credits. It's kind of like a nice, advanced special features addition, and I enjoyed it for what it was, but I also saw it for what it was meant to be: a quick, easy distraction from the fact that the film was more entertaining behind the scenes than in front of it.
Fun for what it is, but not as fun as it wants to be or should live up to. You might enjoy yourself if you have low expectations, or you might just have more fun watching Skinemax and putting some fish in a blender.
This movie cracked me up! If you've seen and enjoyed the first one, then you know exactly what you're getting with 3DD! It's a throw back to all the old exploitation films. Is it going to win an Oscar? Nope! Is there plenty of attractive, naked women, laughs and lots of blood? You bet! And isn't that why you're watching this movie in the first place?
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You will have to know before you watch this movie that this movie is far from being serious. I actually watched this movie because the first one made me laugh more then cringe. I was amused but overall not as good as the first. If you are into just naked women with big you know whats you will get entertained. Thats why I was, but to expect an actual cool storyline then you will be let down.
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Try as I might, I couldn't find a 3DD showing of this film, but did find it locally in just plain old 3D (which by the way, stinks). The movie is a sequel to the fun Piranha 3D from 2010 which I thoroughly enjoyed. It wasn't Oscar worthy but it was acted well, had some scary moments, plenty of over-the-toplessness and was pretty funny. Not to be confused with filet mignon, it was still a darn good cheeseburger.
3DD opens with grad student Maddy (Danielle Panabaker, "The Crazies") arguing with her now widowed step-father (David Koechner, who seemingly tries to play his role dramatically) about the future of their inherited water park. Mandy, a 49% owner wants it to continue to be family friendly. Chet (Koechner) has the great idea to make it an adult strip club located within the water park. Chet wins the battle.
The film is set in the progressive state of Arizona so we are easily convinced that it was no problem getting approval for families with young kids to come in the same gates as horny voyeurs. Not to worry however as there is a fence that apparently separates the family friendly environment from full frontal nudity and pole dancing. The 48" rule applies. That's how tall you must be to see over the fence and the pre-adolescent boys take advantage. Those boys also have an advantage over the audience however as director John Gulager only lingers a couple nano-seconds when it comes to bare skin before moving on to the next shot. Hey, the movie's only 82 minutes. Gotta hurry.
But, this is a movie about deadly fish right? This particular water park would seem to be isolated from the now abandon lake nearby where all the piranha did their dirty work. Thanks to good old Chet who had sunk a deep water well near the park (where's that regulation Arizona?), the still viable fish eggs have their chance to hatch...and of course they do (thanks to Gary Busey). The well gives the quick growing meat eaters direct entry to the fresh water pools.
Piranha 3DD also teaches us a lesson about anatomy. I didn't know that a small fish could enter a woman's naughty parts (in this case, nubile virgin Katrina Bowden), then grow a bit with nothing more than the woman having a stomach ache. But wait. Shelby the virgin (Bowden) decides that it must be time for her to abandon her "V" status with her boyfriend. He of course is game but gets a climax he wasn't expecting! I know this all sounds fun but it actually is very boring and uneven. 3DD is missing all those things its predecessor had going for it.
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I dont think people understand that movies such as this are made to be bad and cheezy which is what makes it so good. I MEAN THEY BROUGHT THE HOFF INTO IT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! AT A WATERPARK! TO BE A LIFE GAURD! I know a lot of people are being so critical because they want to be a critic or whatever. But just know what the people who created the movie were shooting for as an overall product before criticizing. It is a great movie for what they were looking to accomplish. With all that being said, if your looking for a movie that is serious with great acting and an awesome plot and likely to win an academy award, this movie is not for you. If you are someone looking for a good laugh, like movies intentionally made to be cheezy, its a goldmine. All the "Critics" are just too opinionated.
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If you are planning to order these BDs, chances are you need no introduction to Pasolini's Trilogy of Life.(*1)
