Zeta One (aka The Love Factor): Remastered Edition (1969)

[ZETA ONE (AKA THE LOVE FACTOR) 1969 directed by Michael Cort Widescreen] An early (and somewhat embarrassing) example of late 60's British sexploitation comedies, 'Zeta One' (originally titled 'The Love Factor') serves up a decent portion of softcore nudity, trippy psychedelic scenery, some unintentionally hysterical dialogue, some uncomfortable attempts at real comedy and, unfortunately, very little else. Except for a few beloved Hammer film Euro-lovelies like Valerie Leon, Dawn Addams, Anna Gael, Carole Hawkins and Yutte Stensgaard. And therein lies its worth.

'Zeta One' was based on a short lived European photo-magazine that obsessed (rightfully so) on beautiful models scantily clad in futuristic clothing. At its liveliest, the film contains recreations of kinky photo-shoot favorites like catfights and fetish-fashioned femmes in torture chamber tableau, as well as colorful scenes of 'alien' women discreetly disguised in identical black wigs and thigh-high Carnaby Street fashions. Sounds fantastic, right? I thought so too, having a genetic weakness for 60's fashions and the bountiful babes who wore them. So shoot me, I was wrong. The original Salvation DVD release gave this as a synopsis "A race of topless, large-breasted women from the planet Angvia, in another dimension, come to earth to kidnap women to repopulate their planet". Huh? And how might they procreate, if you don't mind my asking? And would you mind terribly if I watched? See, now there's your problem when you screen flicks like this, these details shouldn't matter, 'cause most men stopped reading right after the "race of large-breasted women" part, and that's how it should be.

The film's first quarter of an hour is a mercilessly motionless card game between Robin Hordon (the wooden male lead of 'When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth'), playing a poor man's James Bond, and office secretary Yutte Stensgaard as they drink, deliver pages of inconsequential dialogue and make furtive eyes at one other. Despite containing the film's first show of flesh, as they're playing strip-poker, this is pedantic padding at its most painful and just goes on forever. Eventually Hordon narrates flashbacks of some "very extraordinary business" concerning the Angvians, an interstellar race of women who kidnap lovely girls then brainwash them with kaleidoscopic optical effects. One such abductee gets hustled into a car by Angvian women in broad daylight then treated to a guided tour of their futuristic lair, which resembles the set of a children's TV program. Angvian headquarters includes such acid-induced deliriums as the 'Contemplation Room', the 'Self-Revelation Room' and let's not forget the unflappable 'Static Time Area' (as if we could). Where's 'Star Trek' era William Shatner when you need him most? 'Still with me? Frankly, I'm shocked...

The cinematic 'climax' serves as the film's inglorious highlight with stunning starlets as alien women running naked around the British countryside freezing their backsides off while pretending to fire invisible rays from their hands, and trying (in one instance failing) not to break out laughing. Whilst Eurovixen Brigitte Skay managed to drum up a fair amount of publicity for the film photos of her in a revealing space-age bikini earned 'Zeta One' the cover of both Continental Film Review and Cinema X magazine it wasn't until the 1995 video re-release that the film really found an audience, having since gone on to achieve a degree of novelty status due to many of its female cast members (nearly) finding success in Hammer horror and 'Carry On' comedy roles. Not that many of these actresses have fond memories of the production, mind you. Yutte Stensgaard claimed she felt exploited by her then father-in-law/manager who in a surreptitious turn didn't tell her about her nude scenes until she arrived on set, while the late Imogen Hassall was known to joke that a higher force must have been guiding her the day she turned down the role of an Angvian angel. Valerie Leon's sole memory of the production was that one-movie director and screenwriter Michael Cort being a somewhat strange bloke. Then again, if you've seen this film, you've probably guessed that already.

It's as simple as this if you've got a penchant for silly 60's sexploitation films with knock-out babes running rampant topless in pendulum-swinging retro fashions, you'll enjoy it (once). Everybody else needs to avoid this one entirely, or you'll think you got stuck in the 'Static Time Area' indefinitely.

Secret Agent James Word (I guess his word is his bond) has just returned from a mission. He is met by his superior's assistant (his superior is UU (Double-U like an upside down M)). She plays coy and sexy but really just wants the details of his mission. During breaks in apparent intimacy he recounts his tale.

He has been investigating a Major Bourdin who has been have a series of run ins with a mysterious force of women. They are led by Zeta and have the ability to teleport. It is unknown if they are from space, the future or another dimension, but they have set up a colony of women. They add to the colony through kidnaping and brainwashing.

The film appears to have made no attempt at being erotic (check out the strip poker scene as an example) and the plotting is wooden (although some of the actual acting is quite good).

In the end we learn what the secretary is really up to and the final fate of James. I have to say that I enjoyed it more than I thought I would based on the other reviews.

Buy Zeta One (aka The Love Factor): Remastered Edition (1969) Now

No this isn't one of those sleeper great films, and it isn't so bad it's good. The production quality and story line is not very good by 2012 standards. This film is iconic, it represents the 1960's British free love era. Everything about this film screams 1960's Britain.

The idea for this film had to start out with a bunch of guys sitting around thinking about doing a parody of every spy movie made in the 60's, especially Bond and the Avengers. They probably went on to say, how can they show a bunch of women with their clothes off, but not land in peep show land? They accomplished all this. There is no male nudity the first step to landing the peep show rating. There is very little full frontal female nudity, only a few glimpses of no trimming rules of the era. There are tons of women with their tops off. Remember this is the 1960's, so there is nothing artificial and women are a bit more Rubinesque than they are today.

The spy film paradoy, well that is the place where the film falls a bit flat. The film opens when our hero spy meets up with a woman in his bachelor pad. They decide to play strip poker who ever wins gets to do whatever they want. The poker game takes a little too long. Our hero spy loses. For her reward, the girl decides she wants to talk. They end up talking in bed. The film is flashback of him telling his story about the alien women that are trying to take over the earth. Hey, the women live in a planet where there are only women. The girl says, "how boring." Obviously the spy is happy about this.

Oh the story doesn't hold together very well. But I'm sure the story was never meant to be that good, the whole reason for this film is jiggle. And it delivers a lot of jiggle.

As a flashback to the 1960's and an interesting era in Britain, this film is iconic. It delivers a lot of jiggle.

Read Best Reviews of Zeta One (aka The Love Factor): Remastered Edition (1969) Here

I paid special attention to the end credits of this film, fully expecting to see a formal apology by everyone associated with the making of this indescribably bad film. It is bad enough that this film was actually made, but now a company called Salvation has made this one of the first two releases of its Jezebel lineup of DVDs. Don't let the presence of scantily clad and topless women fool you Zeta One is an abysmal film. I don't know who the looker on the box cover is no one this attractive can be found in the film. This 1969 British film is supposedly kitschy, whatever that really means; from what I can tell, it means embarrassingly ridiculous.

If you read the summary of the film, you will be wondering if you were sent the wrong movie as you watch the opening third of the movie. This may be the most boring twenty-five minutes ever caught on film; even the big strip poker scene is mind-numbingly tedious. Worst of all, we have to spend so much time with the film's main character James Word. I would not even insult James Bond by calling James Word a poor spoof of the man. Word is a spy of some sort who spends most of his time in bed. This is made possible by strange women who magically appear in his apartment from out of the blue. Girl number one is his boss' secretary, which allows her to see through Worth's "brilliant" fake moustache disguise; she pumps him for information about his latest mission, but he has other things on his mind. Did I mention the fact that Worth is a pitiful, rather slimy specimen of manhood? Anyway, Worth eventually opens up and tells girl number one this incredible story about a race of superwomen and the master criminal who tried to conquer them.

Yes, a Major Bourdon and his bespectacled dweeb of an assistant Mr. Swyne have learned of the existence of a race of superwomen who live well, no one really knows where they live; we do know they kidnap selected Earth women in order to brainwash them and make them a part of their female-only society. Major Bourdon is determined to get to the bottom of this for some reason that is never explained. Luckily for him, the Zeta women (Zeta is the name of their leader; I could never understand the name they were given in the film) all dress in identical mini-dresses and go-go boots, making it easy to follow them. (The mini-dresses and go-go boots are pretty much all this film has going for it.) Swyne learns that a certain stripper (actually, none other than the "Queen of the G-strings") is to be the next kidnapped girl, and Bourdon puts his plan in motion of discovering how (and where) to conquer these alien women. It all goes downhill from here. I won't describe the silly information we learn about the mysterious Amazon-like women's society or Word's proclivity for bedding every strange woman that appears from out of nowhere in his bedroom. Word does finally drag himself out of bed toward the end of the film, but he soon returns to the only place he seems to care about. Don't worry too much about the alien women; they have a Plan 69 for anything, it seems. You won't believe the weapon these girls use on silly human men, but you will see the absolutely predictable ending coming from a mile away.

Truly, Zeta One (aka Alien Women) is one of the most ridiculous films I have ever seen. You can have a lot of fun with this film if you make a big party out of it and settle in with a bunch of friends to watch what is the ultimate embodiment of cinematic silliness; apparently, this film exists only for the purpose of being laughed at. Keep a special eye out for the big and absolutely ridiculous "elevator" scene.

Want Zeta One (aka The Love Factor): Remastered Edition (1969) Discount?

Don't watch! This movie was very slow very uninteresting no plot and was a total waste of time and money

Save 32% Off