Santa Claus Conquers the Martians: Kino Classics Special Edition (1964)

Soon you'll hear Ho! Ho! Ho!

It is the Christmas season on earth. The Martian children are in a funk and will not eat their chocolate cake pills. Kimar (Leonard Hicks) a concerned father and a leader of the council calls up on the old man of the cave. His diagnosis is that Mars Needs a Santa; so in the interest of the children of Mars Kimar sets out to pilfer Santa (John Call.) Opposed to this attempted attitude change on a planetary scale is the curmudgeon Voldar (Vincent Beck). You cannot miss Voldar because he looks like a green Groucho Marks. To add to the pathos a couple of pint size hostages are also taken, Billy (Victor Stiles) and Betty (Donna Conforti).

Is this the end of Christmas, as we know it?

What is Voldar's evil plan?

Are Billy & Betty doomed to drift around in space, or be captives of Mars forever?

On the other hand, is it just possible that Santa Claus Conquers the Martians?

I absolutely love KINO and own many of their releases, which are always of the highest quality. Undoubtedly, that statement holds as true for this peculiar choice. Perhaps KINO's version may become the ultimate edition of a movie once marvelously spoofed on MST3K.

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SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS (1964) just may be the biggest holiday turkey in cinematic history!

It's a kiddie adventure story that's remembered (if at all) as the screen debut of Pia Zadora. Shot on a ten-cent budget in an abandoned aircraft hanger on Long Island, Santa and the Martians is a perennial favorite on almost every Worst Movie list.

Is this picture as bad as its hype? Absolutely! Would I suggest you see for yourself how awful the film really is? Hey, why not? It's good for a few laughs, some unintended of course.

SCCTM's memorably terrible melody, "Hooray For Santy Claus" was written by accordionist Milton DeLugg. His polka "Hoop Dee Doo" was popular on TV game shows. DeLugg is most famous for producing Buddy Holly's "Rave On" and most infamous for the song in this movie. He wrote the original theme to THE NEWLYWED GAME and was musical director of Chuck Barris' GONG SHOW (whenever a contestant won on this program, DeLugg's "Hoop Dee Doo" was played).

But back to the turkey on our plates. Here's my favorite bit of dialogue from SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS:

Hargo: What's soft and round and you put it on a stick and you toast it in a fire, and it's green?

Kimar: I don't know what?

Hargo: A Martian mellow.

Ouch!

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